Therapy Time

This life needs so many improvements, I wish I could start today. But when can I start?! Lord, You know there are so many things -- big and small -- that I wish I could change. I wish I felt better (and wish I had insurance so I could get better!). I wish I could find a job today. Wish I could help my family more. And oh, I wish she could see me as more than she already does. My emotional battle with her is ridiculous. And she doesn't even know it.
The bitterness I have fostered -- I have been so angry at everything she was, at the decisions she made. I want to just open up and be sincere and tell her what I think of her life and how she acts around others. I want to tell these "others" just who she really is: If you knew who she really is, you probably wouldn't even want to know her! But then again, if you knew me you certainly wouldn't want to know me, either.

Only myself and God truly know just how wretched I am. I think about heaven, I think about hell, I think maybe it will all be left up to a coin toss in the end. I don't know what I'd do if I were Him.
I am so thankful for the talents He has given me; though they may be few, they are ever mighty in my life. Please heal me -- both physically and spiritually. Especially the latter. God, it will only come through a change of heart. It's like there's a spark in me that's trying to shine, but the fog and murk are just so thick. I know You're going to shake my world so severely, and so soon. Too soon. I can seriously see the dark clouds on the horizon. This is all going to be a part of my testimony someday. And You can see it too.