Please make it all go away. And give me the boldness to accept whatever manner You choose.
I am reaching the climax of entrapment; I feel like I cannot be any more stuck than I am now. And even if I was able to improve my current life...O Lord, it would take so long to get anywhere. But I must start somewhere.
People. You have given me so few, and yet they unknowingly control so much of me. I want to shatter some relationships just so I can have a new start. And indeed I do see one relationship on the brink of extinction; we won't be able to hold on for much longer. I think, Could this be our last Christmas together? Our last official year together? Where will I be in a year from now, and will I have been able to pick up any of these shattered pieces withing damaging myself more?
O Lord, have mercy on them when I say I seek change. Change me, not them. Just help me to get away from them without causing anymore hurt. Can't they see that it's best if we detach? And where will I go afterward? There's a great plan somewhere in my future, I really can't doubt that. I just don't have Your vision, so can You blame me for the questions?


I wrote that letter to You a long time ago. Even back then, I wanted to scream and make it all go away. Some things in our relationship haven't changed much, have they? I'm so sorry if, today, I'm not the person You wanted me to be. Trust me, I'm not the person I aspired to become either. Please give me the boldness to change. In a year from now, I want to be a completely different person -- someone You would admire more. Someone I could live with more peacefully. Someone who wanted to take risks. And did.


Some people might not understand, but I see these portraits as a sort of legacy that maybe (Lord willing) my kids can look at someday. There's someone in my family who probably hasn't had a half dozen pictures of them taken in the last two decades. She despises such portraits. At first I felt similarly -- please leave me out of the picture. But then I thought it was rather sad that I can never look back over the years with a photograph to remember them. And if I ever have kids, I want them to be able to see me as I was at their age, to see that I went through similar strengths and struggles as they will likely go through. And yes, I hope they all become photographers.