I want to be overwhelmed. I want to double major and work full time and barely eat three meals a day. I want to go to the limit, to feel like I'm doing everything I can. Push me.
Maybe she'll think something of me if I do. Or maybe I'll simply feel better knowing I'm doing everything I can. O God, please let 2010 change everything in my life. I can't stand life the way it is. How can I change everything? I feel nauseous when I think about getting out of bed in the morning and reliving the mistakes I've made for years, simply because I don't know how to change. Make me take a plunge. Let's do something here.
O please, let one year from today yield an unrecognizable difference in my life. I want to shatter so I can put together the pieces in a new way.
"I'm Moving On" by Rascal Flatts
In the Rascal Flatts song "I'm Moving On", they say, "I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong."
I couldn't have said it better myself. But I'm not moving on, not just yet. Not now. I think someone will have to die before I move on. And the clock ticks. And indeed, will forgiveness find me down the road?
Coming up to breathe. Don't let me go. If I can't change the past (and how much it hurts), then let's do something radical today. Whether it too will end in regret or satisfaction will not be known until after it's over. Just don't let me go.
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