I'm scared of it all, sometimes.
Where will we go? Will You come? I know you'll be there to witness my finish line. You have no idea how I want to grab onto You right now, just grab so tightly and not care. Make everything -- all these people -- an issue of little consequence. All these people represent to me all the hurt I have ever sustained. I'm scared of it all sometimes. Scared to open my bedroom door. O, HOW I DON'T WANT TO BE CONTROLLED ANYMORE. You have NO IDEA how I regret the people I am with. No idea how I wish they understood, wish they would see me as someone who might have potential, instead of this empty shell that was seemingly destined to need constant words of caution thrown at her.I'm so scared. There is no one in my life that I could speak to about this -- that's one of the reasons this is so scary. I feel so dependent, and I'm so sorry for all the failures that have made me this way. There is a yearning within me for something that can never be, because the time that I needed it most has already come and gone.
Someone shoves my door open, and I want to burst into tears, that's how scared I am. Why have You chosen this? It's almost like You destined this life to be solitary, like you wanted me to find no one alike. Like You wanted me to figure out this deception-filled game called Life all by myself. This fear is so real, I feel certain of only a handful of things. O please, don't let go.
